1. What do you
do about cohabiting couples who want to come along
to the course?
If a couple who are living together want to
come on the course we welcome them. Cohabiting
couples have found the course useful and relevant.
However, we explain that we will be talking about
marriage and about husbands and wives. We are
upfront about the fact that we believe that for
the long-term health of a relationship, there
needs to be a foundation of commitment, which
is what marriage is all about.
2. What do you do if the couple aren’t
Christians or if one of them isn’t?
People do not need to be Christians to come
on the course and to benefit from it, although
it is a good idea to let everyone know that the
leaders will be speaking from a Christian context
and will share their own experiences of having
God at the centre of their marriage.
3. What do you do about disruptive couples?
We say to the couples at the beginning of the
course that they will be dealing with a range
of emotional issues and therefore there is likely
to be laughter and maybe a few tears on some of
the evenings. So far, we have never witnessed
a blazing row between a couple, probably because
there are other people around. The course seems
to provide a safe and structured environment where
couples can talk more easily about issues they
may not be able to address as calmly on their
own.
4. What do you do if people have serious problems
you can’t deal with?
We have always been very up-front about the
fact that we are not professional counsellors
and therefore if anyone has had a serious problem
and we have felt out of our depth, we have referred
them to a professional counsellor. For this reason
we have found it essential to have a list of Christian
and secular counsellors in our area whom we feel
happy to recommend. You may of course be a professional
counsellor yourself, which is even better!
We have also found it very beneficial to encourage
couples who are having a difficult time to speak
to a leader or a support couple. About 10 per
cent of the couples on the course request additional
help.
We have found that it is only a small minority
(about 5 per cent) that need referring to a counsellor.
Many issues that come up resolve themselves. Either
the couple works through them or they find that
one session with the leaders or a marriage support
couple points them in the right direction.
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