Investing in your marriage

5 min
Nicky and Sila Lee
Authors of The Marriage Book

Why should we invest in our marriage?

In the same way that there is a lot of wisdom in investing your money in order to see it grow, an investment of time and energy in your marriage is a great way to see growth in your relationship, helping you build a stronger and more resilient connection.  

When it comes to the institution of marriage in today’s society, much has changed over the past 100 years – perhaps most dramatically in recent years. In 2020 – 2021, at the height of the Covid-19 pandemic, the UK Office for National Statistics showed that there was an increase in divorces granted across England and Wales of just under 10%.

The difficulties in a marriage may include a loss of communication, the challenges of raising a family, work-life balance, and a lack of intimacy. These can all be superficially masked by work, time with friends, or distractions like mobile devices and television. For many couples, these issues become insurmountable, feeling too vast to mend with temporary fixes. For these couples, more substantial, deeper work is necessary to repair these fractures in the relationship.

The Marriage Course was designed as a tool to help couples who find themselves facing challenges like these. But it is likewise a beneficial tool for any couple – even if they are in a season where they feel like things are going well in their marriage.

The Marriage Course was created with the strong belief that all marriages – be it a marriage of one year or forty' years – can benefit from quality time spent together as a couple, facing the hard issues of the relationship. The Marriage Course offers couples the chance to invest intentional time into being open and vulnerable with each other. It allows an opportunity for honesty and speaking out the fears that have built up over the years – those fears which, left unspoken, can build into something that feels unworkable and insurmountable.  

Why conversation is key

Communication is a key aspect of every marriage. Our hearts may have skipped a beat when we first saw our prospective partner across the room, but talking is where the real connection begins.  With time, surface level conversations, perhaps about the places we like to eat or our hobbies, develop into deeper conversations about our hopes for the future or painful experiences from our past. Over time, the connection formed through these conversations makes us feel that we are understood by someone, that we are truly known. 

After a while, though, a dangerous assumption may set in. We sometimes think we already know what our partner is thinking or what they are going to say or do next. But, in truth, we never discover everything another person is thinking and feeling. Nor do they fully understand us. This is what makes it so important to communicate our inner world with our spouse.  A lack of conversation allows doubt to creep into our mind.  Without good communication, we may wonder whether our partner really understands what we need, how we’re feeling – do they really know us? 

In a fast-paced world, The Marriage Course provides an opportunity to pause and be intentional about connecting with our partner through conversation. It’s a chance to look at the challenges in the relationship – not as a point-scoring exercise, but in the knowledge that bringing hurts and fears into the light will prevent things festering and creating bitterness in our hearts. 

The Marriage Course creates space for guided conversations between you and your partner – and no one else. This creates a safe space for sharing with one another, without any intimate details being laid bare for others in the room to pick over and discuss. With phones switched off, no children tugging at their sleeves and the focus of only one person across a table, each couple has the rare opportunity to connect again at a deeper level. These conversations are the most ground-breaking and life-affirming parts of The Marriage Course. 

Is The Marriage Course for me?

The Marriage Course is not just for people whose marriage is in dire straits. It’s designed to help every marriage thrive and reach its fullest potential. In the same way that a ship course-corrects little by little, to get from one destination to another, The Marriage Course gives every couple the opportunity to think through those small course corrections they would also like to make. These small (or big!) changes can alter the course of your marriage – and, it goes without saying, your quality of life – for the better. And that definitely is an investment worth making!